Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Things I Never Knew

As we approach Holden's Homecoming date (within the next 38 days to be exact), there are many thoughts that cross my mind. Some that feel good, and overwhelm me with so much emotion. And, some, that still made me sad, stir my soul. And others, I will never forget.

Just over 2 years ago, Travis and I began the adoption process. We filled out a lot of paperwork, paid two $50 fees and asked a few questions regarding adoption domestically and internationally. We went into the process so green. Our spirits were glowing bright with the thoughts of bringing a child into our lives.

We knew we'd just fill out some paperwork, borrow the money we needed, and bring home a babe! SIMPLE AS THAT.

Well, you know what happens next. It was never easy.

From being denied because of my diabetes by several agencies, to being chosen over to another family for the domestic adoption we applied for. From being told we'd bring home a baby from Korea within 4-6 months, to being told it could be 6-8 months. Then, realizing it's going to be more than a year.

From trying to explain why we wanted to adopt (which feels terrible, since you never have to explain why you want to get pregnant!!) to educating our families on adoption. From dealing with petty comments from those who were simply too jealous of us and our happiness to be excited for us, to relishing in happy comments from those true friends who have showered us with positive thoughts.

From dealing with ignorance ( I once had someone tell me they always wanted to bring home a little black baby! REALLY??!) to feeling blessed by those who just "get it." Those who wrote me notes of encouragement, and shared stories of experience. And you WOULD NOT believe the ignorance of some people!!

I honestly NEVER knew how strong I was. I never knew how much $hit I could put up with, and how much spirit was stirring in my soul...ready to fight to protect, love and bring home my child.

Adoption is amazing. Adoption is hard. Adoption is love. Adoption is a vow of strength. Adoption is a mirror to the soul. Adoption is heart. Adoption, next to living with diabetes, is the most challenging thing I have ever done, and nearly completed. And, I am sure, Adoption will be one of the great journeys of my life.
A story who's map will trace the lines of my face, and grow in the heart of my Holden as the years go by. A story that I will be telling for years to come, with depth and soul.

And, as fiercely as we have braved this journey, I know we have many more paths to clear.
Holden will need time to adjust, as will we. But, we pray our souls are in for the matching. And, that our hearts were made for one another.

Our SON will be home in 38 days or less. Oh, the stories we have to tell him. His story is not simple, but it is so beautiful. His story does not begin with a pregnancy, and end with a birth. No.

His story has many pages, chapters and volumes. Some that have already been written, and others that are being told right now. Some pages are still blank, waiting in the wings for the ink to dry.

His life will be that of adventure, variety and history. He will always have a story to tell.

And so will we.


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