Thursday, November 13, 2014

Leaps of faith

When we first announced we were adopting, we didn't receive cheers and congrats. At least not right away.
Instead, there were questions. Many, many questions. Some you would expect, and some we didn't. Some that made us laugh, and some the broke our hearts.

What we came to learn over the year and a half before we got Holden's referral picture is that 99% of those questions came from fear or ignorance. Fear of the unknown, the new, the unchartered territory. Dare I say, the different?

Adoption was brand new to us, to our families, our friends. It a was a giant leap of faith full of unknowns, uncertainty and no set plan. Pretty much all the things that 5 years ago made me bat shit crazy!

But here is where I'll start with the miracle. The miracle that is adoption, that is my faith, that is my son.

Nearly five years ago, we began our adoption paperwork. Two years ago next Wednesday, we brought our miracle baby home.

And the in between of the then and now is where the magic happened. Where I grew to believe in faith for it's true meaning. To believe when I can't see, feel, touch or know the outcome. I trust in a bigger picture and a reason for things.

In those five years, Travis & I have become less fearful of life. We look at our son, and see our hopes and desires for his soul. We see everything good in ourselves, everything loving we have to offer. A raw, real love that we would do anything for. Absolutely anything.

In our families, we see a relaxed face. No more worries over when the baby will come home. No more sleepless nights praying the baby is being well cared for. No more worrying about whether the baby will "fit" into our family.
We see grandparents who have never once batted an eye at color, race or heritage.
We see grandparents who are head over heels for their grandson. 100% percent in mushy, gushy big love.

In aunts & uncles we see laughter and moments of pure happiness. We hear a lot of 'we love that little guy' & 'he is so great'. We see affection. We know he's loved.

You see, five years ago, there were so many questions, concerns and worry.

Replaced with so much peace, joy and love. Because Holden is ours. I believe in a big picture. I believe he always was.

My heart swells at the sight of him each morning. My arms relax with the weight of him each night. I'll spread the incredible joy that is this boy, the miracle that is adoption for the rest of my life.

Happy almost two years home Holden. You are our everything.