Today, I finished the book "Bloom." It is by a mother of a three year old and a one year old down syndrome child. Her name is Kelle Hampton. I recommend this book to any mother, mother-to-be or woman who loves children.
With that said, I must create for you the picture of me finishing this book in my classroom during nap time.
Here I am reading, lights off and nap music on. Tears are flooding my eyes and dripping ever so softly onto the pages of my $30 book, ruining it no doubt.
I'm trying not to seem sad, as I know my "kids" are watching me. But, this book is so darn beautiful. What Kelle sees, feels and knows about her DS daughter, is beautiful. Her love for life, and all it's imperfections is beautiful.
And while my son does not have DS, this book still made me smile.
I needed to finish this book today. For today, has been a rough day for me.
As many of you know, Holden had some complications at birth. His birth mother was only 4 feet and 9 inches tall. He became stuck in her birth canal upon entering this world. As a result, he did aspirate some meconium at birth. He was without air for a few minutes. His Apgar score was still a 7, and ALL of his tests have come back normal. The doctors assure us Holden is healthy and fine. He was well-taken care of at birth. But, as a parent, you worry.
Holden is amazing. He walked at 10 months. He can run, and walk backward. He shakes his head no or yes at 14 months old. He pretends to talk on a phone. He climbs and falls, and does it again. He stacks blocks, dances and laughs. He is amazing. Is this child lacking? NO WAY.
Reading "Bloom" taught me that all I have to do is love Holden. I can't predict the future. And, I can't change his past. He is meeting and exceeding many milestones for his age. He is right on target for success.
I can rest in the belief that Holden Jae-Min was MADE for me. He was MADE for Travis. He was MADE for Adam Zopfi and Todd Hubbard to be his uncles, and for Lindsay Brown and Danielle Hubbard to be his aunts.
He was MADE for Wendell Zopfi to teach him how to water-ski, and be resilient among life's many obstacles. He was MADE for Alice Zopfi to teach him how to plant a garden, and love his family.
He was MADE for Tim Hubbard to teach him how to drive a tractor, and work hard for what you want. He was MADE for Mary Hubbard to teach him how to count and read, and appreciate his family.
This most precious of souls was MADE for us. This plan was created for us centuries and light years ago. It is so breathtaking to watch it unfold in front of my eyes, and in front of my heart.
How amazingly LUCKY am I to experience a love so deep, that is glows and permeates my life from 6,000 miles away.
And this is only the beginning!! One day soon, I will be able to TOUCH my son's skin. And, smell his sweet, sweaty baby love smell. And, look into his eyes. I will be able to squeeze his toes, and squish his piggy fat legs. I will be able to kiss his sticky fingers and his sweet lips.
I will get to hold him on a 15 hour flight back to home. And, along the way I can finally share with him my worries and concerns as he lived afar. But, I can also assure him of a love so deep, he could never find it's roots. A love that started with a search for a child, but ended with a homecoming. A search that ended with him.
I will finally be able to let him rest his head upon my shoulder. I will FINALLY know the weight of MY child in my arms.
The seeds are sown friends. And, the buds are sprouting. Tiny little leaves are breaking through the soil.
All we wait on now is The Bloom...