Well, here I am on a Tuesday night. And, I can't believe it is only TUESDAY! I feel like this week has already lasted 100 days.
I think part of that is because Travis and I are feeling a little worn out with waiting. We were told to expect news around the first of the year. But, alas we wait and wait and wait.
I find myself refreshing my email about 20 times a day. It is extremely frustrating. And, this week, I am finding myself a little (or maybe a lot) down in the trenches about it.
I try realllllllllyyyy hard to stay positive! But, between the waiting game, my car breaking down (looks to be about $1,000 or more worth of damage) and some other random daily annoyances...my shell is beginning to crack. Oh, and Travis is sick. Did I mention that??
I guess what I want people to know is that this waiting is so hard. Unlike with a pregnancy, you are not able to place the time on a calendar when you child will arrive in your arms. Everything is out of you control. My heart wants to pick out baby room colors and fabrics and furniture. But, my mind knows I can't do that yet.
My heart wants to scream HURRY UP! to our adoption agency, but my mind knows that isn't acceptable.
My heart aches so much sometimes, that it tells my mind to be negative and grumpy. And at times, it really does feel like the pieces of this crazy puzzle will never come together.
But, seriously, after a hard day of worrying myself into a sick stomach, I know my time is coming. I know our time is coming. A time to love, live and grow with our new family. And, something else...
After going through this journey for nearly a year and a half now, I can say that I have learned ONE HUGE IMPORTANT THING= EMPATHY!
Never have I looked at people and their life situations like I do now. My mind and heart are much more open to lives unlike mine. I feel a genuine desire to listen, with an open ear. I feel it is my duty to pay it forward. And, I will pay it forward, long after our journey is complete.
Life is precious, isn't it??! It makes it so much easier to let go of all the silly things, when you have such a large worry occupying your heart. And, that for me, has been a good thing.
I've become so much more adaptable!! And, I've been known to be a stickler for schedules :)-
The universe is preparing me for a crazy-ass toddler!!
So, quick! IF you have someway to make me laugh, say it! Do it! If you can make someone else laugh, please do that too!!! We are all in this together...this thing called LIFE :)