Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sunday moods...

Well, the week is getting ready to start again.
And, I want more time off of work. :)

I have spent this day with my wonderful, loving husband seeing a movie, going to lunch and grilling out on our deck. Perfect if you ask me. Yet, during this time I know we should be ENJOYING each other...something still haunts my mind. It never leaves me alone. What will become of this adoption?

I don't want to sound like I am complaining. And, Travis will probably ask me why I made this post, but some days it just hits me in the face. SMACK. And, on those days, it hurts pretty badly. And so what? Maybe I am complaining a little. I have the right, right?

The unknowns are immensly painful and frustrating. And, for the first time this week, I felt myself not even wanting to deal with it anymore. The desire to walk away from the fear, pain and heartache entered my mind. And, then I had immediate regret. Of course, I really don't want to walk away from it.
We have put up a fight. And, a good one at that.

Just writing in this blog makes me feel a little better sometimes. Venting is good for the soul.

Korea sent us our monthly update for August with no real new news to report. We are still pulled between staying on the Korean waiting list or going with a domestic adoption which offers it's own set of problems and uncontrolled outcomes.

The only thing that really keeps us going are these:
1) The belief that when it is all said and done, the love we will have developed for this child will be exsplosive and unmeasurable. That this child will have the BEST life possible with us for it's parents.
2) The picture of our parents holding, playing with and smiling at the baby. Grandparents in love with a child that didn't come from their blood line, but instead from love. From hopes, from waiting, from wanting.

Now, I need to kick myself into shape and get in a better mood. SHARK WEEK kicks off in less than two hours!!!!


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