Well, the news came Wednesday. We were not picked by the birthparents to adopt the baby.
OUCH. Feeling your heart ache is never a good feeling.
And, of course we had to get the news while Travis was out of town traveling on business. It was hard enough to hear the sad news, but even harder to not have each other to turn to.
I feel like Ive walked around in a complete daze all week. Get up. Go to work. Pretend to be happy. Go home. Wonder why we weren't picked to be parents. Goodness!! That's no way to go on.
So, now, we are trying to find some peace and growth out of this experience. And, I think I already have.
I can say with 100 percent certainty that I APPRECIATE everything special to me in my life. I don't take my husband's love for me, my close knit family, my best friend of 18 years, my talents as a teacher, nothing for granted.
And, I know that when we do get our baby, the love we've spent time developing, nuturing, honing will explode with complete and utter craziness! We will love our baby like two crazy, obsessed parents who can't get enough :)
I think I've heard the phrase, "everything happens for a reason" about 100 times this week. But, some part of me believes that. Some part of me believes that we only have a small amount of control over what happens to us in matters of the heart.
I do want to take this time to thank a few people who have been nothing but unselfish and supportive of us.
To my best friend in the whole world, Mandy:
Thank you for calling me weekly and always sounding excited and thrilled about the news I have to share with you even if it isn't great news.
To my soon-to-be sister in law, Lindsay:
Thank you for listening to me be sad, happy and mad. You are going to be a GREAT aunt one day. :)
To my parents:
While I still think you are getting used to the idea of adoption, thank you for trying to be open minded.
Mostly, thank you for being such wonderful parents to me. It is with that strength, I know Travis and I can do this.
To a few select people (you know who you are):
Thank you for writing us letters in support of our adoption. Thank you for reminding us that we are loved and that many people support us.
Soon, we hope to be able to report our next step in this process.
In the meantime, we must hope. We must look deep inside of ourselves and find it.
Sarah and Travis