Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Life Lessons

On the advice of an article I read about a dying mother who wrote notes to her daughters, I decided to do something similar for my son. I'm not dying, thank goodness. But I did recently open an email account for Holden where I can send him memories, notes, pictures and just life lessons and love. Here's a piece of my first entry.

Hi Holden,
I hope on the day you are reading this the sun is shining on your face, and your heart is happy.
I wanted to take a minute to give you a few important lessons I've learned. Some words to try to live by if you can. I know you will figure things out yourself, and in your own time, but these nuggets of life might help.

1) Always be true to yourself. Always. You know yourself better than anyone else.
2) Take a minute before you pass judgment to think what it must be like to walk in that person's shoes.
3) When you love someone, tell them. But more importantly, show them. Never keep it inside. Let people you love know it!
4) Look for the good in others.
5) Try to be patient and kind. You never know what battle someone else is fighting.
6) Stand UP for what you feel strongly about! Shout it to the mountains! Keep her head up and hold your course.
7) Spend time reflecting on what is good in your life. Keep count of what you do have, not what you want.
8) If you're feeling down, sing, dance, laugh out loud! Or call your Pop. He's always good for a laugh!
9) Never forget about those who know you best. Even if you're mad at them. Never forget how much your Omma and Appa adore you.
10) When you thank God, don't just thank him for a particular prayer answered that day. Make sure you thank him for the days before and keeping you happy and healthy your whole life.
11) Respect people. Older, younger and your peers. Everyone appreciates respect.
12) Develop your passions in life! There's no wrong or right hobby. Do what you like, and do it well.
13) Learn how to cook one or two good meals. Your future wife and children will thank you.
14) Don't wage war in love. Two people in love will always have ups and downs. There will be days when you look at your girlfriend or wife and stare at her with amazement and gratitude. There will be other days when you want to run away for a few days, and scream and knock each other down with harsh comments. But try to remember the gratitude even then. True love is worth the effort and time.
15) Embrace your life story. It's ALL yours. Tell your adoption story with all the soul you can muster. It's such a unique and special story to tell. Remember how loved you were from the very beginning. Remember how many people in your life helped shape you, helped you grow! Your story is so awesome.
16) Be honest. Tell the truth. There is no greater freedom.
17) Listen to all types of music. You may not like them all, but give each a try.
18) Every now and then, go outside with a cup of coffee or any drink you prefer, and just sit. Feel the cool grass between your toes. Take a deep heavy breath. Close your eyes, and rest. Fill your body and mind with God's beauty.
19) Say "Thank You."
20) Say "I'm Sorry."
21) Ask for help. Ask if you can help.
22) Be silly sometimes. Laugh until your belly hurts. I'm sure this will come naturally, but I miss it from my younger days. It's a wonderful feeling!
23) Try new things. Be a little scared.
24) Drive a sports car with a stick shift.  Even if you just test drive for fun. There's nothing like it! (Learn to drive a stick first.) :)
25) Learn to water ski, and handle a boat. Even if it's not with Pop or us, see if you can. Some of the grandest memories in my life (and uncle Adam's too) were growing up on a boat.
Well, that's my first 25 for you my son.
I hope to share many more.
Attached to this email is a picture of you at two years old really in your element. Really enjoying life. Refer to it often.

I love you so much,
Omma

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

You know what I find amazing, Holden?

The other night as my family and I got ready for bed, Holden said to his father: "Appa, I brush my teeth. I got it!"
This is a typical nightly struggle as Holden approaches three years old. The independence factor is off the charts! But, it's not what Holden said that took my breath away. It's what his father said next...
"You know what I find amazing, Holden?" he asked.
"This time last year you couldn't speak any English. We weren't even sure if you understood any if it. Now, look at you arguing with me! We were so worried, and now look at you!"
Wow. Seriously. So much can change in one year. A little toddler who had nothing but 3 Korean words flying home with him on a jet plane can now hold his own with you till the cows come home.
It isn't unusual or surprising I suppose. Of course we knew he would learn, and we hoped it would be quickly. But it is amazing. In every since of that over-used word.
This little wonder of a boy is also potty trained (having done so in one week!) He can count to 20, button his coat, and work the hell out of some jigsaw puzzles. Am I bragging? Maybe. I think it's OK too on this one. Because my son is amazing. Most of all I am amazed by how his heart has grown.
If you think about it, REALLY think about it, it is a nothing short of miraculous.
A 20 month old baby is taken away, and given to his forever family. They already love him. They adore him. They want to bottle everything about him, and save it. They understand. But, he doesn't. So, his heart is grieving.
At first, he gives kisses "bobos" to any soul who will ask. He's overly affectionate with strangers, and can't sleep at night. He won't eat much and hates when you leave the room.
His heart was hurting a year ago. His love needed time to grow.
And, boy has it grown.
Present day Holden asks for snuggles with his Omma. He squeals with joy when he sees his grandparents. He begs to play basketball with his Appa every night!
He knows he will be fed. He knows he will be bathed. He knows he will have all of his immediate needs met. But, he also knows he is loved. He calms with the touch of my hand as I wipe his hair off his forehead. He reaches down and hugs my husband's neck as we are walking through the mall for no reason at all.
His heart has grown. My hope as his mother is that it is full.
Full up on all things comforting, safe, warm and happy.
It's been an amazing year in the life of Holden. I can't wait to see what 2014 brings, and how his heart grows.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Do you appreciate all of those moments?

This morning it was a tad chilly in our house because we have not turned on our heat yet for the season. So I went and grabbed Holden out of his crib and put him into bed with Travis & I to snuggle.
While he snuggles with us often in the mornings, he's not always the most affectionate. He often wants to just watch TV or starts telling me to get up and it's time to cook breakfast!  Ha!
But this morning as we laid there, he sat up and then laid his body across mine. So that his head was on my chest, and he could stare directly into my eyes. And, he held my hand while I rubbed his head. He just kept looking into my eyes and smiling. Then, he wrapped his arms around my neck and just laid there for a long while.
It was so hard to leave that sweet moment and get ready for work.
Adoptive moms know the weight of that moment. To know your child has bonded with you. Completely, without reservations.
I appreciated that moment so much. I am thankful everyday for my son, but this morning, I was even more.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

LOVE. FOREVER AND EVER.

Dear Readers,
 Tomorrow my husband and I and our son, Holden go to court to finalize the adoption we began nearly three years ago. Tomorrow our son becomes a US citizen.
 It is a day we have been waiting on for a very long time.
 I hope you enjoy this post. It is filled with giddy, raw, full love.

I'm not sure where I was or what I was doing nearly three years ago tonight.
But, I am sure I was daydreaming about my future baby.
I am sure I was longing for he or she to be in my arms. Picturing myself with a child pressed against my chest, as I caressed wispy locks of hair out of sleepy little eyes.

Fast forward.

This dream came true.

Just tonight, I held a baby in my arms. I rocked him, and brushed the hair out of his eyes just before bed.
I pressed him against my chest, and breathed in his sweet little boy smell. I watched his eyes open and close, open and close. I just wondered what his little busy mind must be thinking.

And since I couldn't be sure, I told him what was on mine.

I told him tomorrow is the day. A day for big and grand things to happen.
I told him tomorrow, it all comes together. Three years in the making.
I told him that tomorrow is HIS day. He adoption becomes FINAL.
And, I kissed his plump, juicy lips. Over and over and over again.
And, like I always do, I told him I loved him. But, this time I added:

"I love Holden. Forever and ever and ever."

He giggled and giggled. I repeated the phrase a few more times.

I told him good night and started to walk out the door.

Just as I stepped out of the doorway he said...

"I...Holden...love...Omma, Appa, ever, forever ever. Goodnight, Omma."

And, that folks, says it all.


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Our Adoption Story...Holden's Story.


If you'd like, take a few minutes to watch this beautiful video my husband so graciously put together. It is the story of our adoption journey. It is a story of waiting, the story of love. We ARE the luckiest...

xoxo-
Sarah




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wasbDu8CCtw

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Six Months!!! :)

On Saturday Holden has been home for 6 months. Time. Has. Flown.
I say he's been home because I mean just that.

While he's lived in several different houses, been cared for by many different people, he wasn't home until last November.

It is really hard to put into words the sheer joy Holden brings into our lives. I often feel like I crave him and his love. He's more addictive each day. His smile, his laugh! His sense of humor will change your life!

In a few short weeks Holden's adoption will be finalized in the Kentucky courts. And he will be "legally" be ours forever and ever!!

So to celebrate in this blog, I'll write a simple poem. I love you Holden.

Holden...
You are the brightest light I have ever known.
You are comfort.
You are chubby sweet and baby smells.
You will be my grandest accomplishment as I grow old.
You are proof that dreams do come true.
You are a testament that patience pays 1,000 fold.
You are Omma & Appa's heart song.
You are the one I never want to put down. And the one I can't wait to pick up.
You are my Christmas morning over and over again.
You are the reason I fight for.
You are the reason I learn more.
You are a happy I've never known.
You are a lesson in love for our whole family.
And you, my son, are loved beyond measure. Beyond the depths of every ocean, beyond the limitlessness of every sky, beyond the vastness of every canyon... You are.
Happy 6 months home baby. Welcome to forever, love.

Monday, March 11, 2013

110 days of you...

Our blog just hit over 4,500 page views! I love that our story is helping people learn about adoption. :) Holden has been home almost 4 months today...110 days to be exact. And, in Korean culture they celebrate a baby's first 100 days much like a birthday or special occassion of life. While the past 110 days were not Holden's first, they were his first with us. And his Dad and I feel like that's reason to celebrate! We took him out to eat Korean food on Saturday. He greedily stuffed his mouth with rice and seaweed. He ate kimchi with a passion. And, he relished in all the attention from onlookers. All the young Korean ladies typically give him lots of "ohhs" and "ahhs", which he soaks in with a wink and a smile back. I sat there and watched him eat. Sipping on my wine, I said a silent toast in my head. Or maybe it was more in my heart. It went something like this... 110 days have gone by since I touched your face for the first time in an airport in San Fransico. I was so careful and reserved that first day of life with you in it. Careful not to overwhlem you or make you sad. Careful to comfort you, and make you feel better in your sadness and grieving. And, it is only now as I look back on the first days together, that I can see how sad you really were. Now that I know your happy nature, I can see that you were so confused that day, yet you tried to laugh and smile and make your new parents happy too. That's the kind of boy you are. Loving and fun, happy and full of charm. Even though we were strangers, our need ase each other was there. I can't remember the last moment I felt like I didn't know you. I think it all ended that day. Something that felt new and scary quickly turned into the greatest love story of my life. And I thank God each and everyday for you. For making you for your Daddy and I. For making you perfect for us. A lifetime of thanks isnt enough for your amazing gift to us. Even when the road gets twisted, and days get tough, we are loving you Holden. Forever and ever.