You know what I find amazing, Holden?

The other night as my family and I got ready for bed, Holden said to his father: "Appa, I brush my teeth. I got it!"
This is a typical nightly struggle as Holden approaches three years old. The independence factor is off the charts! But, it's not what Holden said that took my breath away. It's what his father said next...
"You know what I find amazing, Holden?" he asked.
"This time last year you couldn't speak any English. We weren't even sure if you understood any if it. Now, look at you arguing with me! We were so worried, and now look at you!"
Wow. Seriously. So much can change in one year. A little toddler who had nothing but 3 Korean words flying home with him on a jet plane can now hold his own with you till the cows come home.
It isn't unusual or surprising I suppose. Of course we knew he would learn, and we hoped it would be quickly. But it is amazing. In every since of that over-used word.
This little wonder of a boy is also potty trained (having done so in one week!) He can count to 20, button his coat, and work the hell out of some jigsaw puzzles. Am I bragging? Maybe. I think it's OK too on this one. Because my son is amazing. Most of all I am amazed by how his heart has grown.
If you think about it, REALLY think about it, it is a nothing short of miraculous.
A 20 month old baby is taken away, and given to his forever family. They already love him. They adore him. They want to bottle everything about him, and save it. They understand. But, he doesn't. So, his heart is grieving.
At first, he gives kisses "bobos" to any soul who will ask. He's overly affectionate with strangers, and can't sleep at night. He won't eat much and hates when you leave the room.
His heart was hurting a year ago. His love needed time to grow.
And, boy has it grown.
Present day Holden asks for snuggles with his Omma. He squeals with joy when he sees his grandparents. He begs to play basketball with his Appa every night!
He knows he will be fed. He knows he will be bathed. He knows he will have all of his immediate needs met. But, he also knows he is loved. He calms with the touch of my hand as I wipe his hair off his forehead. He reaches down and hugs my husband's neck as we are walking through the mall for no reason at all.
His heart has grown. My hope as his mother is that it is full.
Full up on all things comforting, safe, warm and happy.
It's been an amazing year in the life of Holden. I can't wait to see what 2014 brings, and how his heart grows.

Do you appreciate all of those moments?

This morning it was a tad chilly in our house because we have not turned on our heat yet for the season. So I went and grabbed Holden out of his crib and put him into bed with Travis & I to snuggle.
While he snuggles with us often in the mornings, he's not always the most affectionate. He often wants to just watch TV or starts telling me to get up and it's time to cook breakfast!  Ha!
But this morning as we laid there, he sat up and then laid his body across mine. So that his head was on my chest, and he could stare directly into my eyes. And, he held my hand while I rubbed his head. He just kept looking into my eyes and smiling. Then, he wrapped his arms around my neck and just laid there for a long while.
It was so hard to leave that sweet moment and get ready for work.
Adoptive moms know the weight of that moment. To know your child has bonded with you. Completely, without reservations.
I appreciated that moment so much. I am thankful everyday for my son, but this morning, I was even more.

LOVE. FOREVER AND EVER.

Dear Readers,
 Tomorrow my husband and I and our son, Holden go to court to finalize the adoption we began nearly three years ago. Tomorrow our son becomes a US citizen.
 It is a day we have been waiting on for a very long time.
 I hope you enjoy this post. It is filled with giddy, raw, full love.

I'm not sure where I was or what I was doing nearly three years ago tonight.
But, I am sure I was daydreaming about my future baby.
I am sure I was longing for he or she to be in my arms. Picturing myself with a child pressed against my chest, as I caressed wispy locks of hair out of sleepy little eyes.

Fast forward.

This dream came true.

Just tonight, I held a baby in my arms. I rocked him, and brushed the hair out of his eyes just before bed.
I pressed him against my chest, and breathed in his sweet little boy smell. I watched his eyes open and close, open and close. I just wondered what his little busy mind must be thinking.

And since I couldn't be sure, I told him what was on mine.

I told him tomorrow is the day. A day for big and grand things to happen.
I told him tomorrow, it all comes together. Three years in the making.
I told him that tomorrow is HIS day. He adoption becomes FINAL.
And, I kissed his plump, juicy lips. Over and over and over again.
And, like I always do, I told him I loved him. But, this time I added:

"I love Holden. Forever and ever and ever."

He giggled and giggled. I repeated the phrase a few more times.

I told him good night and started to walk out the door.

Just as I stepped out of the doorway he said...

"I...Holden...love...Omma, Appa, ever, forever ever. Goodnight, Omma."

And, that folks, says it all.

Our Adoption Story...Holden's Story.

If you'd like, take a few minutes to watch this beautiful video my husband so graciously put together. It is the story of our adoption journey. It is a story of waiting, the story of love. We ARE the luckiest...

xoxo-
Sarah




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wasbDu8CCtw

Six Months!!! :)

On Saturday Holden has been home for 6 months. Time. Has. Flown.
I say he's been home because I mean just that.

While he's lived in several different houses, been cared for by many different people, he wasn't home until last November.

It is really hard to put into words the sheer joy Holden brings into our lives. I often feel like I crave him and his love. He's more addictive each day. His smile, his laugh! His sense of humor will change your life!

In a few short weeks Holden's adoption will be finalized in the Kentucky courts. And he will be "legally" be ours forever and ever!!

So to celebrate in this blog, I'll write a simple poem. I love you Holden.

Holden...
You are the brightest light I have ever known.
You are comfort.
You are chubby sweet and baby smells.
You will be my grandest accomplishment as I grow old.
You are proof that dreams do come true.
You are a testament that patience pays 1,000 fold.
You are Omma & Appa's heart song.
You are the one I never want to put down. And the one I can't wait to pick up.
You are my Christmas morning over and over again.
You are the reason I fight for.
You are the reason I learn more.
You are a happy I've never known.
You are a lesson in love for our whole family.
And you, my son, are loved beyond measure. Beyond the depths of every ocean, beyond the limitlessness of every sky, beyond the vastness of every canyon... You are.
Happy 6 months home baby. Welcome to forever, love.

110 days of you...

Our blog just hit over 4,500 page views! I love that our story is helping people learn about adoption. :) Holden has been home almost 4 months today...110 days to be exact. And, in Korean culture they celebrate a baby's first 100 days much like a birthday or special occassion of life. While the past 110 days were not Holden's first, they were his first with us. And his Dad and I feel like that's reason to celebrate! We took him out to eat Korean food on Saturday. He greedily stuffed his mouth with rice and seaweed. He ate kimchi with a passion. And, he relished in all the attention from onlookers. All the young Korean ladies typically give him lots of "ohhs" and "ahhs", which he soaks in with a wink and a smile back. I sat there and watched him eat. Sipping on my wine, I said a silent toast in my head. Or maybe it was more in my heart. It went something like this... 110 days have gone by since I touched your face for the first time in an airport in San Fransico. I was so careful and reserved that first day of life with you in it. Careful not to overwhlem you or make you sad. Careful to comfort you, and make you feel better in your sadness and grieving. And, it is only now as I look back on the first days together, that I can see how sad you really were. Now that I know your happy nature, I can see that you were so confused that day, yet you tried to laugh and smile and make your new parents happy too. That's the kind of boy you are. Loving and fun, happy and full of charm. Even though we were strangers, our need ase each other was there. I can't remember the last moment I felt like I didn't know you. I think it all ended that day. Something that felt new and scary quickly turned into the greatest love story of my life. And I thank God each and everyday for you. For making you for your Daddy and I. For making you perfect for us. A lifetime of thanks isnt enough for your amazing gift to us. Even when the road gets twisted, and days get tough, we are loving you Holden. Forever and ever.

A love letter for you on your 2nd birthday from your Umma

Dearest Holden,

This weekend you turned two years old. 

You got up by yourself this morning, and didnt wake Umma and Appa. Instead, you played with your toys all by yourself. A sign you are already growing up. 

When I look at your face, I see the years ahead of you. And, I see the years it took to make you mine. 

When I see your eyes smile when you laugh, I feel a explosion in my heart. Like tiny fireworks bouncing around, burning with the flame of love. 

When I watch you play and discover something new, I feel refreshed with my own sense of wonder. You help me remember what's important in life, and what isn't. 

When I see you share and use your manners, I am reminded of how much your foster mother must have cared about you. I am reminded of the very important role she played in your very early life. And, I am thankful. 

When I watch you sleep, I stare at your beautiful, full lips and supple skin.I brush my fingers through your gorgeous, thick black hair. And, I thank God. I thank him for making you, just for me. Perfect, precious, breathtaking you. 

When I see you love, I am in awe. You hug, you kiss, you give and you understand hurt. 

Baby boy, you are truly wonderful. You are the joy of your Umma and Appa's days. We will never take your love for granted. For the rest of our lives, we will show you how much you are appreciated...how much you are loved. How you were a long-awaited wish come true. I can't wait for you to read this letter one day. 

I love you. 

Happy Birthday Holden Jae-Min Hubbard.