Dreaming so...

Ive been one big ball of emotions and nerves for the past two or three days.

Travis and I were told we should expect your referral any day now. Wow.

Could it be? A picture of you, our baby? Is it this close to being real?

So hard to imagine. Yet, as real as the air around me.

I got nervous the other night thinking of all the ways my life will change when you come along. No more mornings of peace and quiet. No more laying on the couch with just my own thoughts on a Saturday afternoon. No more time to just hang with my travis and love each other.

then my worries got worse ...

Will Travis still love me the way he has for 10-plus years? Will my parents and his parents ever want to hear about our successes again? Or will our lives just evaporate into the cool night air? A life gone and replaced with a cute, chubby toddler who won the hearts of those we love?

I worried and worried. Will I teach you all the things you need to know? Will you love me right away? Will I bond with you? Will we LIKE each other???  Will I be a good mother???
My girlfriends say "Oh, those feelings are so normal!" "Everyone worries!"
But I still couldn't calm down.
Finally...ARE WE MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE?
And the answer? We just have to go with our hearts on this one. Everything you do the first time is new and stingy...and beautiful and hard...and challenging and refreshing.
What I hope for and pray for and ask for and dream for is that you and I will just click. That our hearts, minds and bodies will just melt into each other. And, it will feel like you've been a part of me forever. I want to know I'll be your biggest fan.

I know this might be wishful thinking, but I have to be wishful. The fear of an adoption working out is the biggest fear I've ever known. It is so scary.
I never stop thinking about it, but there are days I have to give my mind a rest. I have to think only of good things...of places in the heart that are made only for love.

Of places where little fingers grasp mine and little cheeks rest on my chest. Of places where I watch my husband become an even better man as he cares for a tiny human being with a love he's never known. of places where our family meets the chance to love a child who didn't come from our bloodline, but from love none the less.
Of places where I will struggle as your mother, but linger with happiness in our successes together.

Of places where our life shifts, sways and bends, but never breaks. I'm dreaming of these places with you.

Latest Update From Korea

Travis and I just got our Oct. update.
We get these monthly from our adoption agency.
Korea is getting ready to stop handing out EPs for this year. That means only a select few more families will get to travel this year to pick up a child, and we aren't on that list.

We didn't expect to travel, but still that puts us into 2012.

So, now all we can do is wait for Decemeber, and HOPE we get our baby referral.

The update also informed us that most children are now 9 months old when referred and 18-24 months when brought home from Korea. Also, not a surprise. But, ALSO, hard to accept at this point.

Best case, we will be referred an 8 month old and get to pick them up within the year. That would put our baby at 20 months old or younger.

We also now have our P.O. box for donations to help bring our babe home!!
Here it is:

Sarah Zopfi/Travis Hubbard
P.O. Box 22051
Louisville, KY 40222

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!

-Sarah

Been a long time ... But we're gonna Rock 'N Roll!!!

We know it's been a while since this blog had any attention -- almost two months to be exact. So, Sarah and I offer our apologies to those that may have been wondering or curious about updates.

But, to be honest, there really hasn't been much to update. That's the most frustrating part of the adoption process. You fill out a bunch of paperwork, write a few hefty checks, and wait. And then you wait some more.

Plus, the last couple of months have been extremely busy with plenty of Hubbard and Zopfi family joys to make us forget about some of that frustration.

My brother, Todd, and his wife gave birth to their first baby, Brody, on Aug. 5. And as of Oct. 16 you can all officially refer to me as The Godfather. You will be contractually obligated to do so.

Sarah and I also celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary and 10th overall anniversary on Sept. 9 and 10.

Then, this past weekend we celebrated the wedding of Sarah's brother, Adam, to his long-time girlfriend Lindsay.

It's been a very fun and eventful two months, and we're so happy for Adam, Lindsay, Todd and Danielle. But, we still wait, and wait, and wait.

We did finish our USCIS application, which was approved. It grants our baby the ability to enter the country when we can finally have them escorted or pick them up. We also never pursued a domestic adoption after our first near match. We definitely considered it and haven't ruled it out should any other complications arise with Korea. But we feel we're so vested in this process and that ultimately it's still the most predictable and -- at this stage -- quickest path to adoption. We really don't like the prospect of starting over.

And we're still looking at probably December or late November, at the earliest, before we receive a referral. Then it could be another 9 months or a year before we are able to meet and bring home our baby unless the process speeds up.

But we finally do have some big news, and this is where the Rock 'n' Roll reference applies, and you can help.

On Nov. 10, a Thursday, in Lexington, we will be hosting a benefit concert as a fundraiser for the adoption at Cosmic Charlie's. For those familiar with Lexington but not Cosmic Charlie's, it's the old Lynagh's Club. Adam's and Wendell's cover bands will be performing, and a third local band from Lexington may also be performing. We'll have food and maybe some silent auction items, plus the club is providing everything but drinks for free, although those will be available. Doors will open at 7 p.m. with music beginning at 8 p.m. until ????

There will be a minimum cover charge of $10 per person, but if you would like to or can afford to donate more you can. We'll have a P.O. Box set up for those who can't attend but want to help.

If you can read this, then you're invited, and if you know someone else who would like to come, invite them. Every dollar helps, and we thank you all so much for your encouragement and support.

Here are details Sarah posted to her Facebook Events page:

WHAT: Adoption fundraiser to help us raise money to complete our adoption!

WHO: Any friends, family or kind souls who would like to have a good time rocking and rolling while donating to a WONDERFUL cause!

DETAILS: Doors open at Cosmic Charlie's at 7 p.m. There will be several local bands playing that night, as well as a light dinner served.
You can bring your family (over 21) and friends, and enjoy some great music and drinks!

Cover charge will be $10 per person at the door. Anyone who desires to make a larger additional donation can do so at the door via cash or check.

*If you are unable to attend, but would like to make a donation anyway, we will be creating a P.O. box address soon where donations can be sent.

SPECIAL NOTE: Travis and I have already been showered with so much love and support during this long process. We hope to see all of you on this special night. And one day, we will be able to tell our child all about the people who loved him/her before even meeting him/her...the wonderful people who helped bring our baby into our lives! THANK YOU!!!

-Travis

Sunday moods...

Well, the week is getting ready to start again.
And, I want more time off of work. :)

I have spent this day with my wonderful, loving husband seeing a movie, going to lunch and grilling out on our deck. Perfect if you ask me. Yet, during this time I know we should be ENJOYING each other...something still haunts my mind. It never leaves me alone. What will become of this adoption?

I don't want to sound like I am complaining. And, Travis will probably ask me why I made this post, but some days it just hits me in the face. SMACK. And, on those days, it hurts pretty badly. And so what? Maybe I am complaining a little. I have the right, right?

The unknowns are immensly painful and frustrating. And, for the first time this week, I felt myself not even wanting to deal with it anymore. The desire to walk away from the fear, pain and heartache entered my mind. And, then I had immediate regret. Of course, I really don't want to walk away from it.
We have put up a fight. And, a good one at that.

Just writing in this blog makes me feel a little better sometimes. Venting is good for the soul.

Korea sent us our monthly update for August with no real new news to report. We are still pulled between staying on the Korean waiting list or going with a domestic adoption which offers it's own set of problems and uncontrolled outcomes.

The only thing that really keeps us going are these:
1) The belief that when it is all said and done, the love we will have developed for this child will be exsplosive and unmeasurable. That this child will have the BEST life possible with us for it's parents.
2) The picture of our parents holding, playing with and smiling at the baby. Grandparents in love with a child that didn't come from their blood line, but instead from love. From hopes, from waiting, from wanting.

Now, I need to kick myself into shape and get in a better mood. SHARK WEEK kicks off in less than two hours!!!!

-Sarah

Big changes, big heartbreaks...and exhaustion.

Just this week I was telling my soon to be sister-n-law, Lindsay, that Travis and I might get a picture of our baby by their wedding.
Happily, Lindsay said, "Oh, yes! You can wrap it up and give it to us for our wedding gift!"
I love Lindsay. She is always so excited and genuine when it comes to matters of the heart.

Little did I know that 48 hours later our adoption agency on the Korean side would break the news that Korea has all but run out of EPs for this year. And, once they resume in Jan. 2012, the babies that will be coming home to the USA will no longer be babies, but infact 18 months to 2 years old.

You must understand that when we signed onto this program nearly 9 months ago, we were told to expect a BABY around the age of 9 to 12 months. Then, we were told if we were open to a boy, we would have to wait less time. So, of course, we said yes! Bring on the boy!

Then, about three months ago, Korea uped the age to 12 to 14 months...and our hearts jumped a bit. Yes, we could still bond, but 14 months was pushing it for what we were comfortable with for now.

Then, Korea decided to do this. WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY????!!!!!!

All of those precious babies are just WAITING for a mother and father. Just waiting for a forever family. And, yes, they are being cared for by a foster mother and father, but it has to be hard on those temporary parents as well.

We desire to cuddle a little one. We know we can cuddle a toddler too, but we want to see first steps, first words and other firsts. It is a personal choice, and it is ours to make. We welcome words of support and those who say "you can still baby a toddler", but only Travis and I can make our choices. And, there is not right or wrong choice.

My whole life I have asked "Why?" to so many things. I always want to know the background, reasons and solutions so I can change or "fix" a problem. Or at least understand.

However, why is not getting answered for us right now. And, it may never. The Korean gov. has complete control over this. And, I have no control over it. Travis has not control over it. The only control we have is to accept this or move on to another option (domestic adoption).

We are halfway through this process. Our hearts are embedded in the picture of love we have created. We have researched the Korean culture, befriended Korean kids and parents, and educated our families. We have been to many baby showers, and witnessed new life coming into the world over the past year. And, we were just so excited to be expecting our own new life!!! SO EXCITED!

And, now, we are crushed. You must understand that the desire to adopt a baby, and the desire to adopt a toddler are different. And, for us, it is something we need to really think through.

Travis and I are each's other biggest fans. I pray our love and friendship will carry us through all of these unbelievable times. I also know that we have spent the better part of the last two nights with the TV off staring into the distance, no words spoken. Just numbness.

I pray to God, the heavens, my passed loved ones...and whoever will listen to guide us to clarity. Help us make the right choice.

Trying to be a parent shouldn't be this hard.

Sarah

On the Wait Strip! (needing the Korean Gov. to be on our side!)

Hello everyone and Happy Friday :)
Well, as many of you know, The Hubbard Family is officially on the "wait strip" in Korea for the adoption of a baby.
We were so excited to find this out yesterday. However, after our phone call with HOLT international tonight, we are once again a little uneasy.
You see, as part of the process to bring our baby home to the good old USA, we have to have the Korean government issue an EP. This paperwork allows our baby to be released for adoption.
SO, while we are probably only about 3 months away from getting a picture of our baby (OMG!!!!!!), we could be waiting much longer after that to bring our little friend home...DEPENDING on getting an EP.
We learned tonight that Korea only hands out as many EPs as they feel like. And, there is no guarantee that there will be one available for us once we accept a referral. Now, that means that if there is one available, we could bring a baby home say around December. And that baby would be about 9 -10 months old.
But, if an EP is not available, then we may be pushed back until Feb. or March of 2012. And that baby would be like 13 to 14 months old.
And that makes us sad. Travis and I want to bring a baby home at the earliest age possible to assist in bonding and more importantly, TIME! I want to experience each age in my child's life. I don't want to miss all those baby steps...and really there is no changing my mind on that.
But, we are hopeful that we will get an EP! So, be hopeful with us, ok??
Gracias for all your kind support friends. We need it more than you will ever know.

A little insight for you. Can we say overwhelming?!

Hi friends!
Today, we received the formal "Korean Adoption Process" information. Wowzer!! I knew we were getting ourselves in deep, but man, this is complicated!
And, anyone who knows me well, knows I don't always do complicated well ;)
Anyhow, here is a look at the process from our standpoint if you are interested. I think this will help many of our loved ones understand the process much better.

1.
Your Holt International Children’s Services branch office (HICS) will begin your
adoption study. If you live outside of our branch states, HICS will send an official request
and guidelines to your direct service agency for them to begin your adoption study.
While some Cooperating Agencies wait for Holt’s “Referral Letter” to initiate a family’s
home study, others will begin the process before this letter arrives. Call your
Cooperating Agency for clarification.
2.
You will be invoiced for your Homestudy fee before you begin the Homestudy process.
3.
To adopt a child from another country, you must first complete an adoption Home Study.
As a part of this process, you will also need to complete parent preparation training
provided to you by your Branch Office or Cooperating Agency. When your adoption
study is complete it will be sent to the Director of Services of the Korea Program in the
HICS Eugene office where it will be reviewed and approved by a Holt social worker.
4.
Once the home study has been completed and received approval, you need to complete
the I-600A, which will begin the process of applying for an immigration visa from US
Citizenship & Immigration Services. This is the first part of the USCIS process, the
second part (I-600) will come after you have a specific child referral. See the USCIS
section of this guidebook for instructions on how to proceed with this application (I-600A
Form). It is important to also speak with your branch office or cooperating agency about
this, as they will have advice on filing within your particular state and how to fill out the
application.
5.
Once you have received your I-600A approval (also called I-171H) please forward a copy
to both your branch/Cooperating Agency and Holt Eugene Office.
6.
Once your homestudy has been approved, it will be entered on Holt International’s wait
strip. Currently, we are holding the study until such time as needed by Holt Korea. This

in no way changes the process of waiting for an assignment. Once we send the study to
Korea it will be entered on their wait strip with the same date as Holt’s. Families are
generally assigned a child in the order they are added to the wait strip, although since
there are more children being released with medical conditions, some families may be
skipped over when trying to match a specific child with a family who is open to the needs
a child has. This is why it is important to inform us of the medical conditions your
family is open to, so Holt Korea can match you with a child who best fits your family and
as quickly as possible.
7.
Wait for Referral: Wait time will vary based on the gender and medical conditions your
family is open to. Since the number of child referrals from Korea is decreasing each
year, we are anticipating a lengthening of the time families wait for referral. The best
way to stay informed of current timeframes is to read the Korea program’s monthly email
update. If you are unsure you are receiving this, please call or email the Korea program
staff.
(Note: The time involved can change from one month to the next depending upon a variety
of factors: government changes, the number of children needing families, the number of
families who are currently in process to adopt, and the profile of child requested to adopt.)
8.
As soon as we receive an assignment for you, we will contact your social worker and
branch office or agency. Your social worker or branch office will contact you to show
you the child material and to discuss the child with you. If they are unable to contact
you, the Eugene Office staff will contact you directly.
9.
You will have an opportunity to review the child material thoroughly. Holt highly
recommends you consult a pediatrician familiar with international adoption to review the
child’s medical and social history. If you, or your doctor have questions about the child
material, please contact Holt Eugene staff and we will work with Holt Korea to obtain
answers to any questions you have about the child material. Typically, families are able
to verbally notify Holt of their acceptance within a week, so not to delay the family and
child’s process.
10.
Upon your acceptance of the child referral, you will be provided with a packet of
acceptance paperwork and forms to complete to make your acceptance formal. If you
have questions about how to complete these forms, please contact the Eugene Office for
assistance.
11.
You will be invoiced for the Program Fee, Post Placement Fee, and Travel Fee at the time
of acceptance. Please submit these fees along with the completed acceptance paperwork.
We are unable to forward your acceptance paperwork to start the legal process in Korea
until your fees are paid.
12.
Approximately 1-2 months after the release of the child, you will receive the child’s legal
documents. With these legal documents, you will need to file the second part of the
USCIS process I600.

13.
Once your acceptance paperwork is received in Korea, the legal process will begin. This
process can take anywhere from 4-6 months before the child is ready to travel.
14.
The first step of the Overseas Adoption Process includes Holt Korea staff presenting your
homestudy and acceptance papers to the Ministry of Health and Welfare to obtain an
Emmigration Permit (EP) for the child. You will be notified by Holt Eugene Office when
the EP is issued.
15.
Once the EP is received, the following need to be completed (but in no certain order):
Blood testing (Hep B & HIV), Visa Physical, and Travel Certificate (passport).
16.
Once all three steps are completed, Holt Korea Staff contacts the US Embassy to set up a
Visa Interview with the child present to apply for Visa Approval (your local USCIS
office sends the approval-I600-to Seoul).
17.
Once the child’s visa is issued, you will receive notice the child is ready to travel. You
will be contacted by Holt Eugene Travel Coordinator, who will assist you in making all
the needed travel arrangements, whether you are traveling to pick up your child or having
your child escorted.
18.
After your child arrives home from Korea, you will be contacted by your social worker
who did your homestudy to set up post placement visits. The number of visits and
reports required are dependent upon the requirement of the state you live. Korea requires
at least three post placement reports. It is important to please send updated photos of
your child with each Post Placement Reports, as it means a lot to the foster family who
cared for your child prior to the child’s arrival into your home. We also ask families to
write and include a letter to the Foster Family along with the first post placement report
to give an update on the child.
19.
After the final post placement report is received by Holt, the Eugene Staff will issue a
Consent for Adoption. With this consent, your family needs to finalize the adoption in
your state of residence. Your direct social worker/agency will assist you in the process of
finalization as legal requirements vary from state to state. If you have questions about
finalization or citizenship, please contact the Eugene Office for assistance.
20.
Please send a copy of the child’s adoption decree to Holt Eugene Office, who will
forward a copy to Holt Korea. The finalization is very important, as it takes the child off
Korea’s citizenship roster, and protect and provide for the child all rights of a US citizen.
21.
Congratulations, your adoption is complete!
We hope this summary helps to provide you with an overview of the process. However,
more detail on each step is contained in each section of this book.
Kamsahamnida! (“Thank you” in Korean)

WHEEEWWWW! If you read all of that, bless you!
For real though, I am a little scared and overwhelmed. But, we shall continue this process. And, meanwhile, I keep picturing a precious, crescent-eyed bundle of chubbiness in my arms :) I don't live in la-la land, and I know it won't all be easy. But, I also know it won't all be difficult.
-Sarah